The Priest

The PriestAfter a long life, dutifully serving his parishioners, the elderly priest died. He found himself in Heaven, where he was warmly greeted by St. Peter. "Welcome," St. Peter said, "You have lived a good life. Let me take you to your quarters, and then I'll show you around Heaven."

St. Peter took the man to a rather plain building, and escorted him to a small room. The room was humbly furnished, but was functional. The priest was a bit surprised, having expected Heaven to be a bit more extravagent, but he was happy to be there.


Overcoming Your Sins

Overcoming Your SinsA lawyer stood at the gate to Heaven. St. Peter was patiently explaining that the man's sins were far too many and serious to allow for admission into heaven.

"Sir, surely you don't deny that you routinely overcharged your clients. That you cheated on your wife with your law clerks and associates -- and that you used your position as a partner to pressure those clerks and associates into becoming involved with you. Surely you don't deny that you deliberately took false positions in court in order to win cases, where any sense of ethics would have caused you to settle. And there's so much more here, why surely...."


The first case in life

The first caseAn investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. "Mr. Peterson," she says. "Would you say you're honest?"

"Honest?" replies Peterson. "Let me tell you something about honesty. My father lent me $85,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my first case." "Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"


Psychology and law

Psychology and lawA guy asked a girl in a bar:

“Do you mind if I sit beside you?”

The girl replied with a loud voice:

‘I don't want to spend the night with you!”

All the people started staring at the guy, he was embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said:


Do you know me?

Do you know meAt the start of an important trial, a small town attorney called his first witness to the stand. She seemed like a sweet, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy.


How far was it?

How far was itAt a trial, an attorney was putting witnesses through an exacting cross-examination, and was taking great delight into forcing witnesses to admit that they did not remember every single detail of an automobile accident.

While the lawyer knew that no witness has a perfect memory, he had honed a skill in exploiting minor inconsistencies and lapses of memory in order to challenge the credibility of honest witnesses. After a series of scathing cross-examinations, he was looking forward to his examination of yet another witness.